My Lost Decade

Reflections on Ten Years in Foster Care and my life since.

Friday, February 10, 2006

Questions for "The Sperm Donor"

I have a dad. He is married to my foster mom, he taught me how to drive a tractor, ride a horse, be thrifty with money and he gave me away at my wedding. Since I have never met the man who impregnated my mom, I do not consider him my father. I long ago decided that "The Sperm Donor" was a more appropriate title.

Although I would love to find out if I have any half siblings out there, that would mean having to go through "The Sperm Donor" to find out and I am just not sure at this time that it is worth it. I go through cycles of being angry with him for taking advantage of a young woman who was mentally challenged, being simply disgusted by the fact that my mom got no help from him in taking care of me and being saddened by the fact that I do not know anything about the genetics on that side of my bloodline. If I were to ever decide it was worth meeting "The Sperm Donor" though, in order to look into the possibility of having siblings, I would have a few questions for him.

1) What made you think it was okay to have intercourse with a girl with mental retardation?
2) Did you ever have contact with my mom after the night you got her pregnant?
3) Did you know she got pregnant? If so, did you offer to do anything to help her?
4) Did you threaten to hurt either of us if you ever saw us again?
5) What diseases run in your family?
6) Do you have any other kids? If so, how old are they and do you have contact with them?
7) Does anyone in your circle of family or friends know what you did to my mom?
8) If you knew my mom was pregnant, did you ever bother to find out about the baby?
9) Did you wonder how she would care for the child?
10) Did you assume she would get an abortion?
11) Did you ever see me after I was born?


At Friday, February 10, 2006 3:54:00 PM, Blogger Tamara said...

Dear Jackie,
Just wanted to tell you how beautiful your writing is - your honesty and directness isn't "over-the-top", it's true and real and wonderful. I read so many of your posts, and wanted to comment very time I saw something interesting - but alas, I have to work! I hope my husband and I can do God's work as foster parents. I hope one day we will be brave enough to do foster care for older children who need a family too. I hope each child we've already had in care never experiences abuse.

In writing this blog and doing the work that you do - you are doing the Lord's work. Bless you for writing this.

At Friday, February 10, 2006 10:59:00 PM, Blogger David Michael said...


Amen on Tamara's comments!

It is sad that there are so many "sperm donors" now at these sperm banks that could care less about children. They unload and collect a few bucks. Yet, there are hundreds of thousands of children around the world that are suffering from "father hunger."

At Saturday, February 11, 2006 6:28:00 AM, Blogger Foster Child Advocate said...

To clarify...there was no sperm bank involved in my case, hence the parenthesis around "sperm donor". A dad is a person who raises you though, so the "sperm donor" label is more appropriate for him.


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