Why Me?

I had the good fortune to spend some quality time with one of my dearest friends this weekend. She lives two hours away, so we have to do a bit of coordinating to make this happen. I was in her neck of the woods, so it worked out well.

My friend is a protector. She shelters people she cares about from the storms of life. When she is unable to do this for someone she loves, it tears her up inside. I also tend to do this, but I can see where hardships (when limited in number, intensity and duration) can give a person character and emotional fortitude. This friend of mine is a perfect example of this.

Her dad is all kinds of expletives and caused her more harm in life than good. Her mom had to compensate for this, which was not easy, given that she was a young mom with three daughters (and later a son) and her husband acted like a child. When they divorced, my friend, the oldest child, was placed in an even tougher spot and had to be the mom for the half of the year when the girls lived with their dad. When they were with their mom, she still had to do more parenting than most kids because her mom was a single parent working overtime to keep them fed and a roof over their heads. My friend endured hardships that I would not have ever wanted for her, and if I had been in a position I would have done what I could to protect her. In doing so, I might have done her a disservice though.

My friend does not feel bad for herself. She says her parents were young and human. They made mistakes and she loves them anyway. She is glad she was there to take the brunt and protect her sisters. She has a tender spot for the afflicted as a result of her past. She runs her company's charitable donations and does a great job of it. They are the only company in their area to support a low-income family year-round and it has a lot to do with my friend's hard work and dedication. If it weren't for her suffering as a child, this family might not have food on the table, winter coats or Christmas gifts. She can see how her personal hardships opened her heart.

What she can't see is how this works for other people. For example, while we were talking, she told me that her sister is struggling financially. She has a daughter who my friend loves to pieces. It kills my friend to see her sister and niece making sacrifices, pinching pennies and utilizing public assistance. She wishes she could take care of them. When she told me this, I told her how admirable it is that she loves her family so much, but that God has a plan. My friend's niece is in her formative years right now. She may be learning something from all of this that will make her a great social worker, teacher or humanitarian later in life.

When I was four, I remember getting WIC, commodities and food stamps pretty regularly. It was not ideal, but we had food to eat and I have never judged anyone on assistance as a result. I remember one of my teachers bringing boxes of stuff that her daughter had outgrown to our house. I got a lot of joy from the things she gave me and I learned the value of passing things along to others when you no longer have use for them. I grew up in foster care and while it was difficult, it made me much more appreciative of family and good parenting. If I had had a perfect life, I might take things for granted and never help anyone else. But I did not, so I do not. I never ask, "Why me?" I know why. Because it made me a better human being.

I do not think my friend's niece will ever ask that either. I think she will take something from the circumstances that she could not have learned any other way and she will incorporate it into herself. When she gets older, she will be a stronge, wise, compassionate woman, just like her mother, aunts and grandmother. She will respect her mom for working so hard to take care of her and she will become an amazing woman. My friend and everyone else in their family will shelter her from what they can, so she will not be hardened to the world or completely disillusioned, but she will be a real person and she will have some idea of how to get through the trials she has as an adult. She will know what it is like to live without certain luxuries and she will comfort people who are less fortunate than herself. If my friend saved her from her present, she would potentially doom others in the future.